Sunday, October 17, 2010
Today my baby girl took her first ever steps! Can I just say that the only thing as exciting as seeing that, was the fact that I was actually there to witness it. Being away from her so often, I was contemplating telling the girls at daycare not to tell me if she took her first steps - as I think it would have devastated me.
Having said that, I was there... and it invoked a feeling I cannot explain. All at once I felt overwhelmed with happiness - I felt proud, excited, giddy enough to run around in circles screaming. At the same time I felt an underlying sense of sadness, that my baby was making the transition to a little toddler - and I was losing this precious time with her as a baby forever. I swear this moment in itself was enough to make me want to have another baby. Actually, lets be realistic - I'm sure if I had a husband I'd use her first spoon of solids as an excuse to have another one! And yes, that's a joke. I'm sure I'd stop at 15 kids... or maybe 4. *sigh*
The point is, my baby is no longer a baby. And although this was one of the most exciting, exhilarating moments I have ever experienced - it brings with it great sadness. For as new stages are discovered, old ones are no more - and those times become memories only. I fear I will forever live in her past, clinging onto the "good old days" in the hope that my clinging will freeze her growth. I suppose this is all part of parenting though, and although it's tough.... really tough sometimes, watching them grow up - it's also amazing.
As she took those 3 small, wobbly steps - her legs shaking a little and her arms outstretched... I think I took a few small steps too. I have to grow with her, and with each stage learn to let her go just a little bit more. One day this tiny, teetering little baby-slash-toddler is going to be walking down the aisle to start her own life with the man she has fallen in love with. One day she is going to have her arms outstretched to catch her own little baby-slash-toddler. She will make her own decisions, make her own mistakes, and live her own life... and it's something I'm going to have to be ready for.
So as she takes baby steps, so do I. I pray that she grows up super slowly - but I know that's wishful thinking. For now, I'm treasuring every moment with her as she does that thing she does so well - being my little princess.
Till the next few steps.....
Posted by djtuini at 3:05 AM