Thursday, September 16, 2010
Springtime...!
Nostalgic would be the word best used to describe my mood all day today. Which is slightly odd considering I had a Research Statistics exam first thing in the morning. Despite that, however, I felt like I was walking around on some sort of cloud of happiness today. Everything seemed so amazingly beautiful! I'll rewind to last night....
Last night was not much better in terms of cherub's sickness. We're booked in to see a doctor tomorrow, but I couldn't get her there any earlier as the first few days of the week are quite full on with Uni. I think I went through about 6 nappies and two cot sheet changes throughout the night, with Panadol administrations a couple of times to try and ease the raging fever. Needless to say, my sleep has averaged out to around 3 hours a night.
Perhaps when you're really, really tired for a certain amount of days in a row your body suddenly decides it loves the lack of sleep? I'm not sure, but I woke up the happiest camper in the world this morning! Bed at 4am, up at 7am... I sipped some of a V but didn't really need it - I was already rearing to go. After dropping bubba to daycare and instructing them to call me should the sickness pop up again (apparently she's fine during the day?!), I parked my car at uni and stepped out into the beautifully warm sunshine and gale-force wind. I didn't even care about the wind... the sun was heaven! And for some reason, even the wind was making me feel alive.
I walked to the outside auditorium and waited with the other hundreds of students, anxiously awaiting the open doors signalling time for our exam start. I was happy to sit there, amongst the crowds of people, all waiting for the same thing... some stressed, some still studying, some in groups laughing like it was lunchtime, some whispering behind their hands and pointing at others. I felt part of something bigger... something exciting.
Coming out of the exam, I didn't feel like I'd performed too well, but it felt like nothing could dampen my day. Whilst waiting for my lecture, I wandered into the cafeteria... picking up a coffee and watching a slightly amused, slightly annoyed server attempt to explain to a very asian student what "Chilli Con Carne" was. After the lecture and in between classes, I returned to the outdoor auditorium - relaxing in the warm sun while listening to a young girl murder "Love Is In The Air" onstage. And after my long day of classes and assessment was over, I went to the bookshop and almost bought a uni T-Shirt. (Don't worry, I stopped short of going that far).
Today was one of those days that I felt like I was constantly being reminded how lucky I am. I'll be doing this course for the next 5 years - possibly 6 if I go for my Doctorate. And although this may be tough at times, I'm not juggling it against a Full Time job. (And by the way, I truly take my hat off to those mums... THAT's hard work!) I will be spending the next 5 years of my daughter's life like this... I will be spending those first, crucial, precious 5 years with a schedule that changes every semester. With a two month holiday in the holiday season. With days off here and there during the week. I have so much time to spend with my daughter in between these classes, lectures, exams and assignments. Sure, I may have to work weekends... but at least I get a day here and there, or an hour if I want to skip a lecture and hang with her before taking her to daycare.
I am so incredibly blessed. Yes, uni can be stressful. During assessment time - end of semester assessment time - I'll probably have a highly strung blog post going up, because it is truly a nightmare. But I'm not in an office from 8:00am - 5:00pm, Monday to Friday. I get to spend some time with my baby girl. I get to enjoy the sunshine at uni, be a part of the buzz around campus, eat my sandwich on the grass while watching someone attempt to sing, and drink my coffee in the cute little cafeteria whilst opposing cultures collide. It's springtime, and I'm happy to have the life I have - I'm blessed to be alive.
Take a moment if you have one to look around and see all the amazing things we take for granted. Guarantee it'll make the bleakest of circumstances seem insignificant.
till next time blog-land!
xxx
Last night was not much better in terms of cherub's sickness. We're booked in to see a doctor tomorrow, but I couldn't get her there any earlier as the first few days of the week are quite full on with Uni. I think I went through about 6 nappies and two cot sheet changes throughout the night, with Panadol administrations a couple of times to try and ease the raging fever. Needless to say, my sleep has averaged out to around 3 hours a night.
Perhaps when you're really, really tired for a certain amount of days in a row your body suddenly decides it loves the lack of sleep? I'm not sure, but I woke up the happiest camper in the world this morning! Bed at 4am, up at 7am... I sipped some of a V but didn't really need it - I was already rearing to go. After dropping bubba to daycare and instructing them to call me should the sickness pop up again (apparently she's fine during the day?!), I parked my car at uni and stepped out into the beautifully warm sunshine and gale-force wind. I didn't even care about the wind... the sun was heaven! And for some reason, even the wind was making me feel alive.
I walked to the outside auditorium and waited with the other hundreds of students, anxiously awaiting the open doors signalling time for our exam start. I was happy to sit there, amongst the crowds of people, all waiting for the same thing... some stressed, some still studying, some in groups laughing like it was lunchtime, some whispering behind their hands and pointing at others. I felt part of something bigger... something exciting.
Coming out of the exam, I didn't feel like I'd performed too well, but it felt like nothing could dampen my day. Whilst waiting for my lecture, I wandered into the cafeteria... picking up a coffee and watching a slightly amused, slightly annoyed server attempt to explain to a very asian student what "Chilli Con Carne" was. After the lecture and in between classes, I returned to the outdoor auditorium - relaxing in the warm sun while listening to a young girl murder "Love Is In The Air" onstage. And after my long day of classes and assessment was over, I went to the bookshop and almost bought a uni T-Shirt. (Don't worry, I stopped short of going that far).
Today was one of those days that I felt like I was constantly being reminded how lucky I am. I'll be doing this course for the next 5 years - possibly 6 if I go for my Doctorate. And although this may be tough at times, I'm not juggling it against a Full Time job. (And by the way, I truly take my hat off to those mums... THAT's hard work!) I will be spending the next 5 years of my daughter's life like this... I will be spending those first, crucial, precious 5 years with a schedule that changes every semester. With a two month holiday in the holiday season. With days off here and there during the week. I have so much time to spend with my daughter in between these classes, lectures, exams and assignments. Sure, I may have to work weekends... but at least I get a day here and there, or an hour if I want to skip a lecture and hang with her before taking her to daycare.
I am so incredibly blessed. Yes, uni can be stressful. During assessment time - end of semester assessment time - I'll probably have a highly strung blog post going up, because it is truly a nightmare. But I'm not in an office from 8:00am - 5:00pm, Monday to Friday. I get to spend some time with my baby girl. I get to enjoy the sunshine at uni, be a part of the buzz around campus, eat my sandwich on the grass while watching someone attempt to sing, and drink my coffee in the cute little cafeteria whilst opposing cultures collide. It's springtime, and I'm happy to have the life I have - I'm blessed to be alive.
Take a moment if you have one to look around and see all the amazing things we take for granted. Guarantee it'll make the bleakest of circumstances seem insignificant.
till next time blog-land!
xxx
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Exhausted.
I cannot remember being this tired since the night she was born.
The night before my daughter was born... I was out at the movies with a group of friends. There's apparently a few things you're not supposed to do while you're pregnant. Well... my partner was no longer around, so I did pretty much everything on the "do not attempt" list. Including working in two separate cafe's and a nightclub right up until the week before she was born. That night I was 3 days overdue. I drove (yes, drove) to dinner and then movies with some friends... then afterwards I made them all come with me for a long, brisk walk - hoping to induce labour. No luck. So I started on lunges. No luck. As a last ditch attempt I tried star jumps. No luck. So at around 2am we all headed off and I fell into bed for what I expected would be a very long, relaxing sleep. No luck.
At 7:00am, my waters broke... and I went into labour. Fast-forward to 11:19pm and my precious little bundle was born. Fast-forward to 9:30am the next morning and she finally fell asleep, after a night of almost constant feeding. You do the math. And I haven't felt this tired since then.
Last night she had somewhat of a cold - coughing and a runny nose. She just would not sleep for a good few hours after being put to bed. So I gave her some medicine to help dry it up and hopefully help her sleep. Only an hour or so later, she was still crying... only this time she was burning up with a horrible and very intense fever. Worst thing was, I couldn't give her any baby Panadol or Nurofen for at least 4 hours as I'd just given her other medicine. So I sat up with her... holding and rocking the poor little heat-pack until around 3am when I could give her some Panadol. It barely made a dint. So although she cooled down somewhat... she was still very distressed and sick.
Then the diarrhoea hit. I changed her nappy at least 4 times in the space of an hour... and eventually didn't put her back into PJ's as it was dirtying every bodysuit I put her in. Then after a few hours of this and half of her new packet of nappies being used up, the fever returned in full force. I'm sure you get the picture.
I learnt something new last night. I really thought she could tire of crying. My mistake. As much as I love her... by 9:00am this morning I was ready to strangle her. I just wanted to sleep. And it wasn't her fault. The poor thing was so distressed. It just didn't help that she couldn't make up her mind between being overly clingy and hitting me in the face every other time I tried to hold her. But I know that by that stage the difference between her and I was barely distinguishable. She was crying, I was crying... she was stressed, I was stressed... she was exhausted, I was exhausted.... and by then I had a few colourful words to say. And today was a bare improvement on the nightmare of a night before it.
I'd love to have a great ending to this blog. Of course I love her and she is the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me. But last night and today.... it really sucked doing this thing by myself. Hopefully tonight I'll get a few hours rest... and then I'll be able to do my catchup blogs of the days I didn't get a chance to write about with all my little adventures over the weekend.
Till then.... here goes!!
The night before my daughter was born... I was out at the movies with a group of friends. There's apparently a few things you're not supposed to do while you're pregnant. Well... my partner was no longer around, so I did pretty much everything on the "do not attempt" list. Including working in two separate cafe's and a nightclub right up until the week before she was born. That night I was 3 days overdue. I drove (yes, drove) to dinner and then movies with some friends... then afterwards I made them all come with me for a long, brisk walk - hoping to induce labour. No luck. So I started on lunges. No luck. As a last ditch attempt I tried star jumps. No luck. So at around 2am we all headed off and I fell into bed for what I expected would be a very long, relaxing sleep. No luck.
At 7:00am, my waters broke... and I went into labour. Fast-forward to 11:19pm and my precious little bundle was born. Fast-forward to 9:30am the next morning and she finally fell asleep, after a night of almost constant feeding. You do the math. And I haven't felt this tired since then.
Last night she had somewhat of a cold - coughing and a runny nose. She just would not sleep for a good few hours after being put to bed. So I gave her some medicine to help dry it up and hopefully help her sleep. Only an hour or so later, she was still crying... only this time she was burning up with a horrible and very intense fever. Worst thing was, I couldn't give her any baby Panadol or Nurofen for at least 4 hours as I'd just given her other medicine. So I sat up with her... holding and rocking the poor little heat-pack until around 3am when I could give her some Panadol. It barely made a dint. So although she cooled down somewhat... she was still very distressed and sick.
Then the diarrhoea hit. I changed her nappy at least 4 times in the space of an hour... and eventually didn't put her back into PJ's as it was dirtying every bodysuit I put her in. Then after a few hours of this and half of her new packet of nappies being used up, the fever returned in full force. I'm sure you get the picture.
I learnt something new last night. I really thought she could tire of crying. My mistake. As much as I love her... by 9:00am this morning I was ready to strangle her. I just wanted to sleep. And it wasn't her fault. The poor thing was so distressed. It just didn't help that she couldn't make up her mind between being overly clingy and hitting me in the face every other time I tried to hold her. But I know that by that stage the difference between her and I was barely distinguishable. She was crying, I was crying... she was stressed, I was stressed... she was exhausted, I was exhausted.... and by then I had a few colourful words to say. And today was a bare improvement on the nightmare of a night before it.
I'd love to have a great ending to this blog. Of course I love her and she is the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me. But last night and today.... it really sucked doing this thing by myself. Hopefully tonight I'll get a few hours rest... and then I'll be able to do my catchup blogs of the days I didn't get a chance to write about with all my little adventures over the weekend.
Till then.... here goes!!
Friday, September 10, 2010
Ode to the Babysitter
I put my dress on, applied the foundation.... eyeshadow... eyeliner... lipstick... lipgloss... bronzer... and slipped into some heels. Every time I get ready for the club I feel like I'm putting on a whole different person. The very core of me is a Mum... a homebody who would stay home every night and do dorky things like drink hot chocolate and watch movies. I'd love to have someone to cook for, clean for, and make a life with. But as I'm not... I get ready and walk out the door for work when the rest of the world (minus the party-goers) is going to bed.
Whilst getting ready to go and dj last night... one of my girls hopped on a bus with her bags, walked to my house and prepared to watch my daughter while I was working. I have a group of these people in my life - the "babysitters". These people are the biggest blessings I have. They are the partner I don't have, the other half who can be there when I can't. They sacrifice their time so that I can support my daughter.
There's one girl who I mentioned earlier... who catches a bus straight from work or the gym to my house, and stays the night.... and she'll do it time and time again - never complaining but always there with her arms outstretched ready to give baby the biggest hug she's ever had. There's my brothers, who step in like fathers for her when I need them. There's the other single mum who once did the impossible and watched my daughter with her 2 year old daughter... and the girl who watched her a couple of times when I couldn't find anyone. There's the couple who will drive out and pick her up if I'm having car troubles so she can stay with them for the night, who have watched her more than anyone else... and treat her as well as I would treat her. They deserve a medal.
These people are such gifts to me... and I couldn't do it without them. It's hard in the world we live in to know who to trust... and it would be nice to have the luxury of keeping her only with me. But being in the situation I'm in, I love the people I have around me who help me every step of the way. I appreciate all of them more than they'll ever know, I trust them with my life - my daughter, and I couldn't do it without them.
Thank you to my babysitters... especially the ones who do it regularly. I know my daughter's face lights up every time she sees you and words can't express how deeply grateful I am that you love her the same way a family would.... and I want you to know I truly do consider you family.
This post is for you... THANK YOU!
Whilst getting ready to go and dj last night... one of my girls hopped on a bus with her bags, walked to my house and prepared to watch my daughter while I was working. I have a group of these people in my life - the "babysitters". These people are the biggest blessings I have. They are the partner I don't have, the other half who can be there when I can't. They sacrifice their time so that I can support my daughter.
There's one girl who I mentioned earlier... who catches a bus straight from work or the gym to my house, and stays the night.... and she'll do it time and time again - never complaining but always there with her arms outstretched ready to give baby the biggest hug she's ever had. There's my brothers, who step in like fathers for her when I need them. There's the other single mum who once did the impossible and watched my daughter with her 2 year old daughter... and the girl who watched her a couple of times when I couldn't find anyone. There's the couple who will drive out and pick her up if I'm having car troubles so she can stay with them for the night, who have watched her more than anyone else... and treat her as well as I would treat her. They deserve a medal.
These people are such gifts to me... and I couldn't do it without them. It's hard in the world we live in to know who to trust... and it would be nice to have the luxury of keeping her only with me. But being in the situation I'm in, I love the people I have around me who help me every step of the way. I appreciate all of them more than they'll ever know, I trust them with my life - my daughter, and I couldn't do it without them.
Thank you to my babysitters... especially the ones who do it regularly. I know my daughter's face lights up every time she sees you and words can't express how deeply grateful I am that you love her the same way a family would.... and I want you to know I truly do consider you family.
This post is for you... THANK YOU!
Baby the Machine
What a day!!
I didn't have time to do an entry last night as I had to work... so this ones a little behind. Sorry blog-land!
So yesterday I didn't have classes, as I managed to condense them all into just a few days... and I would usually use these days without classes to attempt assignment work and study, but the house looked like a bomb went off.
Earlier that morning, I had prepared baby for day care, packed her bag and jumped into the shower. After her usual routine of banging on the shower door and sitting in front of it with her hands on the glass for awhile... she slowly crawled out of the bathroom and into the lounge. I don't know why I haven't learnt my lesson yet... but I had completely forgotten about the chocolate cake I'd left on the desk. And like a lion to the prey.... my daughter found it. Emerging from the shower all fresh, clean and relaxed, I was greeted by the following:
I didn't have time to do an entry last night as I had to work... so this ones a little behind. Sorry blog-land!
So yesterday I didn't have classes, as I managed to condense them all into just a few days... and I would usually use these days without classes to attempt assignment work and study, but the house looked like a bomb went off.
Earlier that morning, I had prepared baby for day care, packed her bag and jumped into the shower. After her usual routine of banging on the shower door and sitting in front of it with her hands on the glass for awhile... she slowly crawled out of the bathroom and into the lounge. I don't know why I haven't learnt my lesson yet... but I had completely forgotten about the chocolate cake I'd left on the desk. And like a lion to the prey.... my daughter found it. Emerging from the shower all fresh, clean and relaxed, I was greeted by the following:
- Cake... on the floor
- Cake... on the lounge suite
- Cake... on my daughter's face
- Cake... all over her body
My lounge room was a sandpit made of cake. Which would be heaps of fun if I lived in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.... but I don't. I live in an apartment that I have to clean. It's times like these that perhaps a partner would've come in handy? One person watches the crazy little lounge destroyer while the other has a relaxing shower. But being the single mum I am (hence the title)... I can't let this kind of stuff slip even for a second. Because I'll pay for it later. Like I did in this case.
So after recovering from my 10+ waves of shock... I walked over to pick her up, and discovered that she'd done a Poo Explosion. Similar to a Number 3 but not quite as runny. (see previous blog if you're confused). At that point, I loved her, but she wasn't getting cuddles till she looked like a clean, angelic little cherub again. I held her at arms length whilst quickly running her into the bathroom, where she held herself up while I peeled her once-clean and pretty clothes off her... then sat her in the shower, detached the shower head, and hosed her down.
Needless to say, we missed the morning jumping castle at day care... and assignments would have to wait until damage control was complete.
Until next time!
xxx
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Growing up too fast....
My baby is growing into a little toddler way too fast.... she's losing baby fat from her arms and face, and I want my little chubber back! I don't ever want her to grow into a girl... then a teenager... then a woman who has to face the world. I just want to freeze her in time, right now, as she is.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
oh happy day!
So last night’s attempt at cleaning, packing, and uni work all amounted to a giant FAIL when I remembered I needed to do some promo work for the club. So I spent a good few hours going round telling people to come party with me on Friday night ….because I’ll have oodles of energy for it! I toned it down a little to “come chill out and have a cocktail with me” to suit my hectic week. Hahaha.
After once again realizing that time had run away and left me, I staggered into bed WAY too late - setting myself up for another fun day!
However, although I was running very late this morning, and nothing got done except the bare essentials… I was given the gift of a “happy day”. Every mum will know what I’m talking about when I say this… but these are the days you live for. My baby girl woke up like a rainbow had shone through her window instead of the sun… She giggled and screamed with laughter every time I grumpily tried to tell her 6am is not play time… She happily lay there clapping her hands while I changed her nappy and got her dressed for daycare… and she threw back her head in helpless fits of laughter when I kissed her cheek a million times over. When I picked her up from daycare tonight she crawled over to me like a little steam train and jumped on my leg, holding her arms up for a hug. She giggled and clapped the whole way home… and as soon as we walked through the front door she wanted to dance. So she did her new favourite dance move to a whole range of different songs. She bobs her head from side-to-side, bouncing up and down on her wobbly legs and banging on whatever she’s holding onto when she gets really excited… all the while “singing” loudly to the music in a voice vaguely resembling a cross between a puppy dog and a drowning cat. And after our naughty cheat dinner of hungry jacks (due to mummy’s lack of energy and pay arrival), she happily lies down with her bottle and has a less than 5 minute cry before dropping off to a deep, contented sleep.
I may have 10 more blog posts of tantrums, nappy changes, tears, struggles, whinging and screaming before I have another blog that talks about a day like this… but a day like this could last me through 100 more posts.
See it’s easy for people to write nice posts about their beautiful child and how amazing their life is…. and I may be the only one… but I’ve found it to be 90% hard work and 10% of these glimpses of sunshine. Thing is, you really could write a whole book about that 10%. Because today… just when I thought I loved her with all my heart - I realized that there was another part of my heart I never knew existed….. and that part fell in love with her too.
until the next happy day!
xxx
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
all the conflicts....
There are so many conflicts in day-to-day life as a single mother.
- Organic vs Processed?
- Clean vs Eat?
- Uni work vs Pack tommorow’s daycare bag?
Of course all these things must be done (namely the tasks… not so much the food choices), but when?
For dinner tonight I made baby mashed potato with mixed veges and some tomato sauce. And yes, processed won this time around. When it comes to my own food choices and preferences… I usually go processed. But I’ve discovered lately how easy it is to do it the organic way. Real mashed potato and pumpkin, real cooked lasagne. Probably a bit more tasty for her too. Tonight, however, instant mash won…. mainly because I’m still waiting for this week’s pay, and all the potatoes are finished.
- Processed - 1
- Organic - 0
And she’s finally asleep. She was especially happy to just sit on my lap and play with my mouth tonight. She loves putting her fingers in my mouth - she seems to like the thrill of the danger they’re in. Then bath and PJ time. I will never understand for the life of me what her constant fascination is with rolling over while I’m trying to change her nappy. Seriously, is it that horrible to be on your back for 30 seconds? I would like the luxury of lying down please…. lets swap! So a very happy and exhausted little princess finally went to her little white cot in her fluffy pink PJ suit (which may or may not be spoiled by a Number 3 in the morning) and nodded off to sleep. Returning to the war zone, I mean lounge, more choices await. Toys are strewn everywhere… bits of a rice cake she had apparently decided were old news…. dirty clothes and nappy bags…. such a relaxing sight. So I clean or cook dinner? Dinner wins for now, my stomach is threatening death.
- Eat - 1
- Clean - 0
After eating, cleaning will still await. But I will also need to make the choice between Uni work and packing tomorrow’s bags. I think cleaning and packing will win this time because things seem to go that way…. perhaps uni work will happen around midnight?
And that’s if I don’t get caught up watching a TV Show I forgot I loved…….
till next time blog-land :)
xxx
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